Tantrums- Part 1

What learning opportunity does a tantrum present?  Several really good ones, depending on how you handle it.

What is a tantrum?  A tantrum is a legitimate experiment or learned strategy in an attempt to get something wanted or needed.  (And, by the way, it is not restricted to children!)

If that definition is accurate, then: When we (the parent) have no response to a tantrum, the tantrum cannot work and the child will no longer use it.

But what about in public?  When circumstances require a response, such as in public, use the least amount of force to remove the child from the situation to a private or more private area.

What if you are upset with your child?  Let your upset pass before any further interaction.  The key to this is knowing that you are having a tantrum yourself.  Accepting being upset (you are human, yes?) in front of your child, and letting it pass (a human can do this too, but it is not commonly done automatically), is super role-modeling.  It is not so hard when you realize that everyone has tantrums (by design).  Get it?

Here is the point about this:  When a child sees that s/he cannot lose your love and support when having a tantrum, s/he can then focus on what is to be gained by not having a tantrum.

Easier said than done, yes?  Yes, and why? Because we, the parent, usually typically have a meltdown ourselves when our child has a tantrum in publc. In those moments, our child experiences losing our love support.  So let's shorten those moments, have our meltdown, and then pull ourselves together: breathe, focus, and realize that our child's tantrum provides a wonderful opportunity for us to demonstrate (role-model) effective human behavior.  The next few blogs will cover some really neat territory.

Happy New Year!!!      Marty